Saturday, August 9, 2008

My Father's Passing

So even though we weren't the best of friends and he did live everywhere but near me, I still loved him. It doesn't make his passing any easier. If anything it has made it much harder. It was unbearable to hear that my father was lying in Sacramento unconscious in the ICU and that I was in Lake St Louis at work alone, my aunt was in North Carolina at home alone, my uncle was 4 hours from my aunt house sitting alone and my grandmother was home in Jamestown alone. None of us slept that night.
Even though my father had lived away from home for 35+ years, my grandmother was still gifted with flowers, phone calls, cooked meals and kind words. Maybe I have unknowingly done something to have not received any words at all. Besides Angie, Stacy and Geoff's parents, not one person has called on me to offer sympathy.
I spent the following night with my husband and my girls and tried to figure out how I was going to explain to my girls that their grandfather had passed away and yet, they had never met him. I was blessed to have had 4 days with him in January when he was in the hospital in Sacramento. He had his heart pump 'installed' and had to recooperate prior to doing the tests that would ready his body for a heart transplant. He was on the top of the heart transplant list when he had a stroke on Wednesday morning. He passed late late Wednesay night.
I am not sure how this works, I have lost a parent and I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I have endured a lot in my mere 31 years and I just ask to be treated as one would want to be treated. I live by that and teach my children that and I have a hard time not expecting that from others. So I move on the only way that I know how. By putting one foot in front of the other and to keep moving.